Obama Says F*ck You

Thanks to the boys over at College Humor, Barack Obama tells it like it is. He tells the crowd "F*ck you" over and over again.

To be fair, the crowd deserves it. After all, they're holding up all these signs and they just won't settle down. Thanks to Barack Obama, that's a change I can definitely believe in.

Madonna Adoption Request Rejected

Madonna has been trying to adopt Mercy James, a 3 1/2-year-old girl living in an orphanage in Malawi; the same place where she adopted her son David Banda, now 3. Unfortunately, because of the controversy that erupted the first time around, this time Madonna's request was rejected.

Madonna is pissed, no doubt, but she was not in court when the decision was rendered (she probably should have been there) and there is no word whether or not Madonna's lawyers will appeal the decision. If there's one thing we know about Madonna, it's that she doesn't respond well to rejection.

Lindsay Lohan Shows Up During Lily Allen's Performance

Lily Allen decided to cover Britney Spears' "Womanizer" once again. This time, she was live, and Lily Allen performing the song isn't strange whatsoever. What is strange though, is Lindsay Lohan showing up out of nowhere to greet her. Wow, does Lindsay Lohan ever have time on her hands or what?

Lily Allen's performance is meh at best, but when Lindsay Lohan shows up (at about 3:35) and does some weird dance move, you really have to ask yourself... How coked up does one have to be to show up on stage during Lily Allen's performance and think it's cool? Only Lindsay Lohan can answer that, my friends, only Lindsay...

Suri Cruise Eating Flip Flop

Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes were out and about in New York when, all of a sudden, Suri Cruise thought it would be a good idea to chew on her flip flops. And your question is, "Well, was she wearing them before that?" Yes, yes she was.

Suri Cruise was walking the very dirty streets of New York before she decided that eating her shoes was a scrumptious idea. And in Katie Holmes' defense, she can't see what her daughter is doing and I'm sure the pappos didn't say a word.

Nevertheless, that's probably the least harmless thing that Suri Cruise, or any toddler, will be putting in her mouth. I mean, I picked up gum off the street once and put it in my mouth. And I'm 34.

John Mayer Debuts Heartbreak Warfare Song

John Mayer debuted his new breakup song "Heartbreak Warfare" aboard the Mayercraft last week and introduced the song by saying, "it's miserable being around someone who's negative." Hmm, I'm guessing he's not talking about Perez Hilton.

John Mayer likes media attention and that pissed Jennifer Aniston off (one of the major reasons they broke up), but now that John Mayer is single again, he is free to get as much media attention as he likes. I have to admit that I'm really starting to appreciate John Mayer.

So what do you think of "Heartbreak Warfare"? I think it at least goes to show that Jennifer Aniston was a source of inspiration to some degree.

John Mayer Made Out With Perez Hilton

John Mayer did some stand up comedy the other day and who knew that John Mayer is downright hilarious!?!

He goes on this tangent about being gay and having made out with Perez Hilton to show him who the man is. John Mayer admitted that he kissed Perez Hilton and then went on to say that every man has thought about going gay at some point in his life.

Now I don't know about you, but I think that John Mayer is onto something. That, or he heard so much about Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston that he wants to dip into that. I'm just saying.

So now John Mayer is partially gay. It's kinda gross to imagine him making out with Perez Hilton, who really is one of the most unattractive men I have ever encountered.

Kris Allen Performs Aint No Sunshine

Kris Allen was, by far, the best performer on last night's (March 31, 2009) American Idol. Adam Lambert sang "Play That Funky Music" and David Gokey is beginning to annoy me because he sings the same way every time.

Kris Allen sat his sexy ass down at a piano and made love to that microphone. Oh, that Kris Allen really knows how to keep the ladies swooning. I know, I know, he's married, but that won't stop the crazy tweens from attacking him and wishing bad things on his wife.

So now it looks like Kris Allen is a contender.