John Mayer Badmouths Jennifer Aniston

Did you know that John Mayer used to get bullied in high school and would get the crap kicked out of him? Well, you're about to find out why.

John Mayer is apparently badmouthing Jennifer Aniston to anyone who will listen, all in a bid to remain relevant to the world at large. And likely to promote his new album.

When John Mayer isn't busy hitting on anything with a pulse, he's telling these pulsating women what a clingy, needy and insecure woman Jennifer Aniston is. Wow, if I were Jennifer Aniston, I'd call up John Mayer for a meeting in a public place, tip the paparazzi off and then lay into Mayer and make him cry like a little girl. Then I'd give him a wedgie. But then, he is quite tall, so that might be a tad difficult. 

John Mayer Debuts Heartbreak Warfare Song

John Mayer debuted his new breakup song "Heartbreak Warfare" aboard the Mayercraft last week and introduced the song by saying, "it's miserable being around someone who's negative." Hmm, I'm guessing he's not talking about Perez Hilton.

John Mayer likes media attention and that pissed Jennifer Aniston off (one of the major reasons they broke up), but now that John Mayer is single again, he is free to get as much media attention as he likes. I have to admit that I'm really starting to appreciate John Mayer.

So what do you think of "Heartbreak Warfare"? I think it at least goes to show that Jennifer Aniston was a source of inspiration to some degree.

John Mayer Made Out With Perez Hilton

John Mayer did some stand up comedy the other day and who knew that John Mayer is downright hilarious!?!

He goes on this tangent about being gay and having made out with Perez Hilton to show him who the man is. John Mayer admitted that he kissed Perez Hilton and then went on to say that every man has thought about going gay at some point in his life.

Now I don't know about you, but I think that John Mayer is onto something. That, or he heard so much about Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston that he wants to dip into that. I'm just saying.

So now John Mayer is partially gay. It's kinda gross to imagine him making out with Perez Hilton, who really is one of the most unattractive men I have ever encountered.

John Mayer Dresses up in Stewie's Sailor Suit

John Mayer has taken ashore on his 4-day Mayercraft cruise. Last time he dressed up in Borat's swimsuit, this time John Mayer dressed up like he's on he set of Love Boat: What Really Happened.

John Mayer admits that he's going through a juvenile phase that includes dressing like his favorite song is "YMCA," and Twittering about 75 times a day, but hopes that one day, he grows up and becomes a man.

What do I think? Great legs, John... who does your waxing?

Jennifer Aniston Dumped John Mayer Because of his Twitter Obsession

I wouldn't be surprised if this were true because John Mayer, like Ashton Kutcher, does seem obsessed with Twitter. Well, that's the reason "they" are saying that Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer (and not the other way around).

I could just imagine that conversation between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer:

"John, either you stop Twatting or it's over."
"Hey, I'm still waiting on the world to change and Twatting is helping me do that."
[With tears in her eyes] "John, it's obvious you love Twatting more than me, so it is soooo over."
"You know what, Jennifer? Maybe if you could stop being so insecure and just let go of Brad Pitt, things would be so much better between us. Oh! That would make an awesome Twat."
"I'm gone, John. You are so uncool."

I bet that's exactly how it happened. Poor Jennifer Aniston. John Mayer chose a computer twat over, well, you know...