John Mayer Badmouths Jennifer Aniston

Did you know that John Mayer used to get bullied in high school and would get the crap kicked out of him? Well, you're about to find out why.

John Mayer is apparently badmouthing Jennifer Aniston to anyone who will listen, all in a bid to remain relevant to the world at large. And likely to promote his new album.

When John Mayer isn't busy hitting on anything with a pulse, he's telling these pulsating women what a clingy, needy and insecure woman Jennifer Aniston is. Wow, if I were Jennifer Aniston, I'd call up John Mayer for a meeting in a public place, tip the paparazzi off and then lay into Mayer and make him cry like a little girl. Then I'd give him a wedgie. But then, he is quite tall, so that might be a tad difficult. 

Jennifer Aniston Dumped John Mayer Because of his Twitter Obsession

I wouldn't be surprised if this were true because John Mayer, like Ashton Kutcher, does seem obsessed with Twitter. Well, that's the reason "they" are saying that Jennifer Aniston dumped John Mayer (and not the other way around).

I could just imagine that conversation between Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer:

"John, either you stop Twatting or it's over."
"Hey, I'm still waiting on the world to change and Twatting is helping me do that."
[With tears in her eyes] "John, it's obvious you love Twatting more than me, so it is soooo over."
"You know what, Jennifer? Maybe if you could stop being so insecure and just let go of Brad Pitt, things would be so much better between us. Oh! That would make an awesome Twat."
"I'm gone, John. You are so uncool."

I bet that's exactly how it happened. Poor Jennifer Aniston. John Mayer chose a computer twat over, well, you know...